old polaroids from late second semester. one of those late-night too-long study-breaks that emile and i would take. i'm beginning to miss that a lot. these ones make me feel so dreamy.
albany is so fun, i'm actually not counting down the days until school begins (like last summer). i leave wednesday evening for montreal and then to toronto, my first time in t-dot. should be fun. and many photos will be taken. :)

i just like this...

Let's live suddenly without thinking

under honest trees,
a stream
does.the brain of cleverly-crinkling
-water pursues the angry dream
of the shore. By midnight,
a moon
scratches the skin of the organised hills

an edged nothing begins to prune

let's live like the light that kills
and let's as silence,
because Whirl's after all:
(after me)love,and after you.
I occasionally feel vague how
vague i don't know tenuous Now-
spears and The Then-arrows making do
our mouths something red, something tall

- E.E. Cummings, "Let's Live Suddenly Without Thinking"

things that inspire me:

i want this book. i want art. i want an explanation. i want a career! ah-ha! i want up and out. not so much specifically out of albany, but up and out of the familiar. it's been so long since i've felt like i was pushing my comfort zone. over the past couple of months, i've been trying so hard to feel comfortable merely existing, that i'd kind of let go of my adventurous side, so as to avoid flipping a switch.
i feel strong now. i feel like i can breathe again. my friends are amazing. my starbucks crew is amazing. people must think i'm lame since i speak all the time of my friends at work, but what can i say? they're so fun and a few of them have become such good people on whom i can rely...
i have so many plans for the summer. soon i will post a list, but for now i will fantasize about the trips i've planned

at least two trips to dc:

two trips to nyc:

montreal for the osheaga music festival:

boston with bear:

and cape may with the fam!:
:) :)

clack clack boom.

today, i say goodbye to a relationship which brought me much frustration, but also much happiness, joy, and love. this is the point in the cycle where i ask myself why anyone bothers falling in the first place. and then i philosophize over masochism and the human race. and then i come to the conclusion that we're all junkies for love, paying any amount of our time and souls for another high. because even though it hurts so bad when it's down, it lights up the world when it's up.
i hate being alone, without a man in my life. i know it sounds so sad, but it's been so long since i've had to stand on my own two feet that i'm afraid i've lost the ability. i'm willing to take the fall if it means i can possibly raise up stronger than before.

in brighter news, i recently received an agfa clack from my mom and max for my birthday. it smells like a thrift store/old people and i love it. i ruined an entire roll of film because i couldn't figure out to rewind the film once i was done shooting it.. still haven't figured that out yet.

life has been relatively relaxing lately. i'm truly enjoying my art history class and that's great because it's making me feel like i made the right decision to switch into the arts faculty. in other news, i miss my mommy and it's mother's day and i'm not with her. she seemed a bit sad when i spoke with her on the phone earlier. at least my brother is in town to go to dinner with her. i'm beginning to miss albany.

Moonlight in the Adirondacks
Rockwell Kent

i like this painting. apparently, the artist's works are being shown in albany right now and will be taken down by the time i get back into town. boo. hiss.
i did some art tonight for the first time in a while. i started a new piece. i'm not quite sure what i'm going to do with the negative space yet. it was my first time using oil paint, rather than acrylic. i like it A LOT better.

i will post more pictures as i move on with it! :)